How could they be so offensive and disrespectful, especially on a Sunday?
Last Sunday those heartless, bowler hat carrying militants, of the Orange Order, defied the parades commission by converging on the outskirts of Saint Patricks Chapel, playing that notoriously bitter sectarian and highly offensive orange tune. “It’s a Long Way To Tipperary.”
Needless to say, the local republican residents and their republican friends, who had travelled from far and near to take full advantage of their inbred, cultural Irish republican right to wallow in exclusive victimhood, were devastated with joy at discovering a new hatefully sectarian reason to feel offended.
Obviously these poor self alienated republicans, who had been forced unnaturally, to get out of their beds before tea time or else miss out on their pre-12th dose of offense, realised the significance of this dastardly sectarian Orange tune.
It was obviously the Orange Orders way of reminding republicans that, even after the IRA’s 35 year campaign of totally pointless, bloody sectarian slaughter, Tipperary is now even further away from republicans, than it was in 1970.
This year let us reach out yet again, to these poor obviously misunderstood, republican professional victim groups that have flourished so successfully in Northern Ireland since partician. They unlike their Protestant counterparts in the Republic of Ireland, have not been nearly totally ethnically cleansed, by orchestrated State, Church and Educational discrimination.
No, our perpetually whinging, republican victim groups, have been allowed to develop and fine tune unhindered their culturally traditional republican need and insatiable yearning for oppression and victimhood to such an extent that, I now believe republicanism is probably a recognised serious medical condition.
Sufferer’s of republicanism are probably automatically entitled to claim DLA, which then enables them to have the spare time and money, to travel all over Northern Ireland in search of their next quick fix of oppression, to satisfy their inbred habitual need to feel offended.
As Protestants we have a duty to find out, just exactly what it is that so obviously offends our ultra-sensitive, poor republican fellow Northern Irelander’s, because their perpetual need to protest, is in serious danger of turning them into Protestants.
Could the cause of their ultra- sensitivity possibly be, that highly explosive Sash that my father wore? Probably not, if that exploded the only head to get blown off, would be my aul Dads.
Could it possibly be the actual words of The Sash? probably not, because on examination of the actual words, I believe that even most Protestants would find them a bit naff, so I can’t see that being of much use to a professional republican whinger.
Maybe it’s those mostly portly, wee Orangemen, with their very highly fashionable bowler hats, but to be honest I believe that most strangers to orangeism, would find them more amusing than offensive.
The first thing that always springs into my mind, when I see them coming into view is of course, Laural and Hardy.
Could it possibly be those big banners that, usually depict a scene and a verse from the Bible? Possibly after all, if we had also spent our innocent childhoods at the mercy of, the likes of Father Brendan Smyth, then I don’t think that we would be too fond of Religion either.
Anyway, I think that this year, us aul Protestants should make a special effort to assist our poor perpetually whinging, republican fellow Northern Irelander’s.
This year, let us beat the drums louder, raise the flags higher and make the bonfires bigger, so that our poor perpetually whinging republican neighbours can wallow in as much self-indulgent offence and self pity as their little green heart’s desire.