(John Coulter, Irish Daily Star)

Strike North! That’s what Ireland’s latest political leader in waiting, Lovely Lucy, must do if she is to truly add real spice to the island’s political stew.

Ex-Fine Gael mover and shaker Lucinda Creighton needs to think big and organise on an all-Ireland basis.

If she limits her new Irish political party to a purely 26-county outfit, then Ireland’s potential new Iron Maiden’s political stew will rapidly be dumped into the dustbin of history.

There, she’ll join a hot pot of other failed parties such as the Progressive Democrats, Democratic Left and the North’s NI21 movement.

Pundits would be foolish to dismiss Iron Lady Lucy as either a comic Juicy Lucy making politically spiced-up speeches, or a sexist Ironing Maiden trying to mobilise the married women lobby.

And if Iron Lady Lucy was to “reboot Ireland” economically by getting the Republic to join the influential Commonwealth Parliamentary Association, she’d have a united island within five years – and no civil war from fundamentalist Northern Prods to boot.

Ireland on both sides of the border is ripe for a new Centre Right party, a ploy which would seriously bugger up the Shinners’ agenda to be in government at Stormont and in the Dáil by the Easter Rising centenary next year.

Sinn Féin may be pounding its green bodhrans that it is the main party combating austerity cuts by the Fine Gael/Labour coalition in the South, and by the Brits in the North.

But the Shinners are still haunted by the Provos’ terror campaign which murdered and maimed thousands of Irish people on both sides of the border, as well as the perception Sinn Féin is still a hard Marxist outfit.

That ‘wanna-be communist’ label doesn’t sit well with either Ireland’s Catholic middle class or the thousands of born-again Southern Christians flocking to the ranks of the Elim Pentecostal movement.

The Elim movement was founded in Monaghan in 1915 and is now in the middle of centenary celebrations. In the North, it is rapidly replacing the late Ian Paisley’s Free Presbyterians as the most influential voting denomination.

Future Dail, Stormont and Westminster elections on the Emerald Isle will be both fought and decided by the Centre Right.

Had NI21 not imploded amid sexual allegations and designation rows during last year’s polls, the party could have dented both Alliance and the already election-battered Ulster Unionists.

Indeed, NI21 should now have been rebranding itself in the Republic as the Ireland21 party.

If Iron Lady Lucy does not organise her party and contest elections in all 32 counties, she hasn’t a snowball’s chance in the flames of Hell of overtaking Sinn Féin as the favourite to become a minority government partner in the next Dail.

Rather than ‘Rebooting Ireland’, Iron Lady Lucy must really pump in the political spice by ‘Sticking the Boot’ in the current establishment parties.

She must decide if she wants to be a major player in a big ocean, or an insignificant voice in a meaningless duck pond.

It is clear Britain is getting ready to ditch the European Union, a move which will leave the Republic as a financially irritating pimple on the arsehole of nowhere.

The cross-border bodies and institutions set up by the Good Friday Agreement have cemented Anglo-Irish relations.

The CPA, with more than 50 national and regional parliaments, is rapidly outstripping the cash-strapped two dozen plus EU state membership.

Under a CPA future, nationalists will have a united island, and Unionists will have the 26 counties back in a closer union with the UK. But Iron Lady Lucy must make the first move, or she will become Loser Lucy.

The UUP has given up the fight with Robbo’s DUP and is abandoning its traditional Loyal Order roots to do battle with Alliance.

This will be such a dirty fight, that a clean-cut Centre Right all-island movement will also ‘reboot’ Northern politics.

TONY BLAIR: PROFESSIONAL DECEIVER AND IRISH REPUBLICAN SYMPATHISER.

What the deceitful Tony Blair carefully forgot to disclose was the fact that, his treacherous underhand deal with the IRA, was deliberately not publically disclosed to the electorate of Northern Ireland, because he knew that the ordinary decent people of Northern Ireland who had successfully withstood 30 years of indiscriminate sectarian slaughter at the hands of the IRA, would never have endorsed his cowardly surrender.

THE SURRENDER OF DEMOCRACY TO TERRORISM.

Yet again deceitful treachery from the mainland.

Cowardly politicians bought and paid for everyone.

Their frozen smiles, mask broken oaths so boastfully given, While hatching dirty deals with terrorists on the run.

Observe the cowering, cowardly toothless, British Bulldog, Lies dripping from its double dealing tongue, As it rolls over on its back to smother justice, To appease cowardly IRA men, on the run.

It will not bark for innocents victims of terror, It will not snarl for the bereaved or the maimed, Dishonesty remains the only toothless whimper, From the flabby British Bulldog, lame and shamed.

Charlie Freel

Sinn Fein Could Hold the Key in General Election

Shinners to shine in 2015: DUP will cosy up to Tories

Robbo’s Dupes and the Shinners will be the big election winners of 2015 thanks to the Stormont House Agreement, according to Coulter’s Crystal Ball.

Among my predictions are that Brit Prime Minister Dandy Dave Cameron doesn’t want an Irish bust-up given that both the DUP and Sinn Fein will be crucial in getting him back into Downing Street next May.

The DUP will form a coalition Westminster Government with Dave’s Tories and Ukip, while the Shinners don’t take their Commons seats so that rules Sinn Fein out from helping Ed Miliband’s Labour and the Scottish and Welsh nationalists.

If Dave hadn’t thrown the 1.5 billion quid at the Executive, Stormont would have failed and there would have been a huge backlash against the existing DUP/Sinn Fein coalition in a future Assembly poll.

Stormont will now become a two-party parliament, with the other parties becoming meaningless observers.

So 2015 will see the following enter the dustbin of history as the ‘Politically Disappeared’ – UUP, SDLP, TUV and NI21.

Election wipe-outs for the Ulster Unionists and Stoops will spark leadership coups with the UUP becoming little more than a Unionist social club and the SDLP forced to merge with a Southern party or join a newly emerging moderate nationalist movement.

The Protestant Loyal Orders will become severely pissed off at the DUP’s lack of engagement with them over parades as the Dupes focus heavily on their link with Cameron in the Commons.

With the Shinners unleashing a new Trojan Horse against loyalist band parades, the Loyal Orders will step up their campaign to launch a new political movement aimed at uniting the Protestant working class.

Even if things get a bit rocky in the coming months for the DUP and Sinn Fein, the Brits can always pull a few strings to devolve more powers to the 11 new super councils which come into effect.

And with the North calm again, stand by for major gains by the Shinners in the Republic. If King Kenny calls a snap Dail poll, he’ll be back at Taoiseach, but Shinner president Gerry Adams will be his new Tanaiste as the party pushes through the 20-plus TDs mark.

As the Brits get more nervous at the seemingly unstoppable Shinner bandwagon and with memories of the 1918 Irish General Election Sinn Fein landslide still fresh, London will do all in its power to encourage the party to take their Commons seats.

In Britain, the clamour to quit the European Union will reach a crescendo, forcing the Republic to seek closer ties with the UK.

The Brits will use the cross-border bodies to create a united island in all but name, with the Southern parties trying to combat Sinn Fein by nudging the Republic back into the Commonwealth.

In sport, Ireland will be outstanding in the rugby World Cup, and in soccer, both the North and South will notch up some impressive results to take them closer to the 2016 European Championship finals.

Ulster teams will reassert their dominance in GAA, while Irish riders and horses will be the big bets in the year’s top trophies.

The arts will see major film roles emerging for our TV legends, The Fall star Jamie Dornan and The Missing star Jimmy Nesbitt as well as Hollywood hunk Liam Neeson. All three will be in the running for a blockbuster flick on the life and times of former First Minister Ian Paisley senior.

And keep an eye on wanna-be Shinner Sinead O’Connor. She is set to rock republicanism in a way they never thought imaginable.

Meanwhile, Unionism will produce a sexy dolly bird who will shake up the traditional men in dark suits and bowler hats. 2015 is set to be a year like no other!

              WHY THE DEAFENING SILENCE FROM THE PUP WITH REGARD TO THE EQUALITIES COMMISSION?

Yet again the totally unelected ,dictatorial,  so called equalities commission, is misusing tax payers money, in an attempt to legalise its own bigoted unrepresentative  policies.   This overpowered,  overpaid  quango,  seems to be intent on hounding Ashers Bakery through the courts, in an attempt to terrorise business owners into abandoning their basic, human moral principles in favour of, the promotion of, the normalisation of homosexual  marriage and practices.

This is the same unelected, dictatorially bigoted, so called equalities commission, who totally ignored the overwhelming results of its own public opinion polls, regarding the flying of the National Standard at the Belfast City Hall.

The results of their own various opinion polls showed a massive majority in favour of the status quo, with regard to the flying of the National Standard. Yet the self righteously bigoted and dictatorial equalities commission, not only totally ignored the results of the public opinion polls, which they had wasted tax payers money on, they then went on to gerrymander the overwhelming results of the opinion polls, by recommending to the council that, the National Standard should not be flown every day.

This recommendation was used as an excuse by the SDLP and the Alliance parties on  Belfast City Council, to support the political supporters of the IRA in the lowering of the National Standard  at Belfast City Hall.

Charlie Freel.

It’s Awards time! Soupie’s Top Tit: Campbell curry jibe bags gong

The Irish Volunteers, Gregory Campbell, tub-thumping cleric Jimmy McConnell, the Shinners and NI21 have swept the boards in the prestigious 2014 Coulter’s Coveted Cock-Up Cups.

East Derry DUP MP Campbell romped home with the Top Tip Trophy for insulting hundreds of years of Presbyterian heritage with his ‘Curry My Yoghurt’ jibe at the Irish language.

Top Tit ‘Soupie’ Campbell simply ignored the indisputable historical fact it was radical Protestant Presbyterians who fought to keep the Irish language alive.

His Tit award is also engraved with the phrase ‘curai mo iogart’, which he won’t find in the ‘Daft Dictionary of a Rural North Antrim Accent posing as The Ulster-Scots Language’.

The Shinners collect the Gerry Adams Sweepstake Award for admitting how they have taken the piss out of both Brits and Unionists using their stable of Trojan Horses. The award boasts a special engraving – ‘Don’t let the b*****ds grind you down!’

The tightest battle was for the sought-after Gobshite Cup for the person who says the dumbest comment about the Fearless Flying Column on social media.

The winner was the closed Facebook group of the Irish Volunteers Commemorative Committee, which banned me after I posted one of my columns on it.

I heard an unconfirmed whisper the North Korean government is so impressed with such censorship, it may sponsor next year’s Gobshite Cup.

The Ulster Unionists win the Bark At The Moon Award for thinking the party will win any seats in May’s Commons election. while the SDLP collects the Stoop Down Even Lower trophy for failing to form a coalition with the Shinners, and thereby condemning itself to electoral oblivion in 2015.

The Union flag-loving Alliance is top of the heap in the ‘Spruce Up Your Hair-Do And Think Voters Will Save Your Seat’ category as the party gets its curling tongs out to try and ensure Naomi Long holds East Belfast.

The ‘Screaming Lord Sutch Memorial Cup’ goes to Basil McCrea’s NI21 for giving us all a laugh as his party imploded days before crucial polls.

If he renamed the almost defunct NI21 the Irish Monster Raving Looney Party, it’d probably lose the Monty Python image it now enjoys.

As for Ukip and wee Jimmy Allister’s TUV, their parties are joint winners of the ‘What Is The Fecking Point Of This Movement’ Cup for totally ignoring the reality of 21^st century Irish politics.

And I hope the Northern Greens can prise themselves away from tree-hugging for a while to collect the ‘They Really Need To Get A Life’ award.

Making its first appearance is a new trophy, The Pharisee Prize, which goes to the cleric who has done the most in 2014 to embarrass the Christian faith.

For much of the year, Catholic clergy convicted of child sex abuse were dog collar to dog collar with Prod clergy who are more interested in their ‘Christian’ image than actually helping young people with problems.

Then fundamentalist Bible-basher Pastor Jimmy McConnell unleashed his ‘Islam is satanic’ rant. Pastor Jimmy is now Ireland’s Top Tub Thumper and his grovelling ‘sorry to Muslims’ earns him the inaugural Pharisee Prize.

Entering Coulter’s Hall of Shame is the Executive for running power-sharing with only two parties – the Dupes and Shinners – with the rest of the ministers mere bums on seats.

And I’ve already got a fine array of political arseholes, brain-dead keyboard warriors and moralising tub-thumpers in the running for the next Coulter’s Coveted Cock-Ups! Roll on Easter!