{"id":2950,"date":"2014-12-23T08:13:30","date_gmt":"2014-12-23T08:13:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.longkeshinsideout.co.uk\/?p=2950"},"modified":"2014-12-23T08:13:30","modified_gmt":"2014-12-23T08:13:30","slug":"its-awards-time-soupies-top-tit-campbell-curry-jibe-bangs-gongdr-john-coulter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.longkeshinsideout.co.uk\/?p=2950","title":{"rendered":"It’s Awards Time! Soupie’s Top Tit: Campbell Curry Jibe Bangs Gong:Dr. John Coulter"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s Awards time! Soupie’s Top Tit: Campbell curry jibe bags gong<\/strong><\/p>\n

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The Irish Volunteers, Gregory Campbell, tub-thumping cleric Jimmy McConnell, the Shinners and NI21 have swept the boards in the prestigious 2014 Coulter\u2019s Coveted Cock-Up Cups.<\/p>\n

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East Derry DUP MP Campbell romped home with the Top Tip Trophy for insulting hundreds of years of Presbyterian heritage with his \u2018Curry My Yoghurt\u2019 jibe at the Irish language.<\/p>\n

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Top Tit \u2018Soupie\u2019 Campbell simply ignored the indisputable historical fact it was radical Protestant Presbyterians who fought to keep the Irish language alive.<\/p>\n

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His Tit award is also engraved with the phrase \u2018curai mo iogart\u2019, which he won\u2019t find in the \u2018Daft Dictionary of a Rural North Antrim Accent posing as The Ulster-Scots Language\u2019.<\/p>\n

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The Shinners collect the Gerry Adams Sweepstake Award for admitting how they have taken the piss out of both Brits and Unionists using their stable of Trojan Horses. The award boasts a special engraving \u2013 \u2018Don\u2019t let the b*****ds grind you down!\u2019<\/p>\n

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The tightest battle was for the sought-after Gobshite Cup for the person who says the dumbest comment about the Fearless Flying Column on social media.<\/p>\n

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The winner was the closed Facebook group of the Irish Volunteers Commemorative Committee, which banned me after I posted one of my columns on it.<\/p>\n

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I heard an unconfirmed whisper the North Korean government is so impressed with such censorship, it may sponsor next year\u2019s Gobshite Cup.<\/p>\n

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The Ulster Unionists win the Bark At The Moon Award for thinking the party will win any seats in May\u2019s Commons election. while the SDLP collects the Stoop Down Even Lower trophy for failing to form a coalition with the Shinners, and thereby condemning itself to electoral oblivion in 2015.<\/p>\n

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The Union flag-loving Alliance is top of the heap in the \u2018Spruce Up Your Hair-Do And Think Voters Will Save Your Seat\u2019 category as the party gets its curling tongs out to try and ensure Naomi Long holds East Belfast.<\/p>\n

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The \u2018Screaming Lord Sutch Memorial Cup\u2019 goes to Basil McCrea\u2019s NI21 for giving us all a laugh as his party imploded days before crucial polls.<\/p>\n

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If he renamed the almost defunct NI21 the Irish Monster Raving Looney Party, it\u2019d probably lose the Monty Python image it\u00a0now enjoys.<\/p>\n

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As for Ukip and wee Jimmy Allister\u2019s TUV, their parties are joint winners of the \u2018What Is The Fecking Point Of This Movement\u2019 Cup for totally ignoring the reality of 21st<\/sup> century Irish politics.<\/p>\n

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And I hope the Northern Greens can prise themselves away from tree-hugging for a while to collect the \u2018They Really Need To Get A Life\u2019 award.<\/p>\n

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Making its first appearance is a new trophy, The Pharisee Prize, which goes to the cleric who has done the most in 2014 to embarrass the Christian faith.<\/p>\n

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For much of the year, Catholic clergy convicted of child sex abuse were dog collar to dog collar with Prod clergy who are more interested in their \u2018Christian\u2019 image than actually helping young people with problems.<\/p>\n

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Then fundamentalist Bible-basher Pastor Jimmy McConnell unleashed his \u2018Islam is satanic\u2019 rant. Pastor Jimmy is now Ireland\u2019s Top Tub Thumper and his grovelling \u2018sorry to Muslims\u2019 earns him the inaugural Pharisee Prize.<\/p>\n

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Entering Coulter\u2019s Hall of Shame is the Executive for running power-sharing with only two parties \u2013 the Dupes and Shinners – with the rest of the ministers mere bums on seats.<\/p>\n

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And I\u2019ve already got a fine array of political arseholes, brain-dead keyboard warriors and moralising tub-thumpers in the running for the next Coulter\u2019s Coveted Cock-Ups! Roll on Easter!<\/p>\n

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